so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
