I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
