Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
