if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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