Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm like, not good at living.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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