I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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