I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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