I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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