It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
