I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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