I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
