It's Friday. Sex?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
