1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
