I wannas sexs uuuuu
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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