if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
