Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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