It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
