I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
