I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
