I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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