maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
