Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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