Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
