Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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