I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
