Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome