I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
please come you make the beer taste better
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.