I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"