Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.