I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
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I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on