Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I could make wine with my vomit
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen