I am puke
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money