So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
