so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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