I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
