even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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