either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
