Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
