If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
