If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Randomize
