Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
