Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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