i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
