My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
