my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
