So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
