Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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