I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
