Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
