Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
