News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
