turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
