tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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