you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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