so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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