At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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