If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
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She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
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Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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