You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
