and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Randomize
