Kareoke will never be a sober sport
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
