It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
