Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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