i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
