I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
two words: eviction party
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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