we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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