2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Randomize
