I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
