I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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