Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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