i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
