ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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