We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
