i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
