I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
That's intense
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
