Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize