Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
