It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
